Committed: Etsy Shop is Open!

There's no denying the fact that I love a good deal, a humorous find or spending a Saturday with Mary and the Beard, thrifting and going to estate sales. My hobby has turned extreme and I am a couple of steps away from The Beard sending a video to Hoarders and/or having me committed. SO, I need your help. Well, unless you want to see me locked to a bed in an asylum somewhere in the Georgia mountains. I'd have to learn to type with one hand.

If you like vintage, brass, rattan, bright colors, fun textiles, ceramics, wood and quirky finds then I hope you visit my new Etsy store. There will be merchandise uploaded on a weekly basis. Here are just a few snippets of what you'll find!

Vintage Brass, Asian-Inspired, Etched-Detailed, Collectible Slipper Ash Trays - $28

Vintage Mid Century Cork Pencil Caddy - $36

Vintage Mid Century Brass and Marble Letter/Mail Organizer - 3 Compartments - $22

Vintage Mid Century Unicorn Ceramic Lamp with Clip on Shade - $36

More to come! Visit this link to see everything. Thanks for the support!

Beta Blocking: A Decade in Review

I worked as a housekeeper at a hotel in Marshfield, WI for exactly one day. I should've known better than to think I was cut out for manual labor. Did you know that there is actual training involved on how to clean up other people's trash box rooms? I was "shadowing" a woman of whose name I have forgotten. I feel like maybe she was a Tammy. Tammy had a perm, blue eyeliner and was in her 40's. Her hair gel game was on point. I was on summer break from college and fairly desperate for a job. Tammy taught me valuable life lessons; always vacuum first, dust second. Vacuuming kicks the dust back up and onto the furniture. Thanks Tammy! The following day she would teach me how to "clean toilets" and said "I looked like a girl who wouldn't need to wear gloves." Hey Tammy, slow your roll...

Turns out Tammy was right. How did she know? I've been sticking my hands in poo water for at least eight of the last twelve years, without gloves. This is metaphorically of course. I have very clean hands and a mad case of PTSD. So maybe I ignored many a signs that it was time to quit my job over the last decade...

1. Everyone openly talks about what anxiety meds they are on. These include but are not limited to Xanax, Lexapro and Ativan. Maybe they share when locked in a stair well during a tornado drill with a hundred college students. #maybe

2. You have a whole conversation to convince your boss you are not, in fact, wearing black jeans to work when you are, in fact, wearing black jeans to work. It becomes one of your favorite stories and proudest moments. #sadtruths

3. You decide you will leave everyday at 5:24 because those last 6 minutes are torturous. "Please don't hang me by my toe nails, I mean, make me wait until 5:30."

4. You take all the free things just to donate them that same weekend to the Goodwill.

5. You only shop at the Goodwill.

6. The new credenza in the hallway at work costs as much as the five jobs you've absorbed.

7. You get in trouble for asking about the five jobs you've absorbed. They didn't really mean there was an open door policy. Get your ish together.

8. You consider getting pregnant for the three months maternity leave and then someone's all like, "but what about the 18 years after that?" Leave me alone already!

9. You can no longer be bothered to learn the new hire's names. They will quit before their benefits kick in. One of them will call you to ask a question and you have no idea who you're talking to. Their enthusiasm is nauseating.

10. You wonder if your bank is keeping track of how much money you spend on wine in the same vein they track meth cookers buying Sudafed. You start rotating your purchases in between the Kroger and the Publix to avoid the judgement of the bag boy. You drink said wine and watch Intervention. "Those poor people," you say.

11. You no longer have control over your eye rolls or sarcastic interjections. You wonder what more you have to do to get fired and be eligible for unemployment.

12. Everyone thinks their offices are bugged. 

13. You stop washing your hair and literally have no idea how many consecutive days you've been using dry shampoo for. 

14. If you dress fancy everyone assumes you have a job interview over your lunch break. 

15. Your butt goes numb everyday around 3:30.

16. Your brain goes numb everyday around 3:30.

17. The people around you getting promoted are, well, special. They get Thanksgiving mixed up with Cinco de Mayo. This is funny and then it's not. Also, their pants are too short. I am obviously talking in generalities. No one specific here. Moving along...

18. You start wearing graphic tees under your blazer. The blazer makes them work appropriate.

19. You discover maternity leggings. They'll come in handy during the months you have that baby before putting it up for adoption.

20. The lady at Target knows you want a popcorn combo before you order. This is your lunch after all. (This actually has nothing to do with work. I just really like popcorn.)

I'm not done but I will stop. I feel like there's supposed to be some anecdotal story about courage in the face of fear here. Not in this case. This is more of a "I'm so tired I can't anymore..." A cautionary tale if you will. I have no idea how to tie a big pretty bow around this post so I will...

End Scene.

Felt Up: When Booze And Felt Collide

This was supposed to be a simple felting DIY. I started snapping pictures of the completed works and realized another common thread...booze. If you are reading this and are not 21 your computer will self implode in 20 minutes and 15 seconds. Wait, NO, I was kidding! I need you to read this because blogs are all "Generation Y." (#millennials) (#hashtag) (#ineedyou)

Regardless of theme, you can do this too. I'm just saying, it's better if you are drinking a glass of wine OR portraying one. (#idrequired) Wouldn't these be great pieces above your desk at work? They're just there, reminding you of what's to come; a little friend at three-thirty. While we're on the subject, can we just talk about three-thirty? It's not quite close enough to five but just enough out from lunch time. The middle of the afternoon is such a cruel, cruel lady. Three-thirty is the Lizzie Borden of the afternoon. Maybe that's a little dramatic but at least the millennials won't get the reference. (#ughgoogle)

These started as gifts for friends. I can't help it that their/OUR interests are singular. It really does make for easy gift-giving though. 

Here is what you'll need:

• felt sheets, variety of colors
• felt glue
• glue stick
• sharpie
• scissors
• frame
• print out with phrase/image to size
• a drink, to clear the felt from your throat (but not your heart)

I began with my frame, picking a size and shape conducive to my imagery/typography/budget/how much I like my friends. I tend to go standard and cheap with the RIBBA frame from Ikea. That's between us and my pocketbook. I started by taking out the glass insert to make measuring my background felt easy breezy. I went with white to keep things clean and simple. I did a quick trace around the glass with a sharpie and cut just inside that line to make for an exact fit. Measuring, calculating, leveling, is for the dogs. (#trust)

 

I kept my image pretty basic with easy to layer shapes. The font should also be one that is fairly easy to cut out. You don't want to be two letters in and take the scissors to your eyeballs because you chose Freestyle Script. If you do, take a deep breath and realize that there will be NO letters after self mutilation. I simply printed both out, then cut...letters, not eyeballs.

This next step gets a little cray. Pick out your colors and match up your paper pieces to those. Really this should be whatever you feel is aesthetically pleasing. This also might mean a color palette that you are already working with in your interior space. If you're hanging this in the woods, like an animal, than your exterior space. Also, a mounted deer head saying "It's what's for dinner," might be more appropriate imagery. I'm thinking you probably don't drink wine or read blogs for that matter. Sorry for wasting everyone's time.

I used a glue stick, with a light hand, to barely adhere the letters to the felt. This will give you enough adhesion to cut out the letters, like a type "A" perfectionist, while also being able to remove the paper once you're done.

Here we are, again, cutting out our letters. This project never ends. That's why you have cable! If you don't have cable, that's why you have the interwebs?

So that step goes on and on and on, like Lamb Chop's "The Song That Never Ends." Millennials, did I lose you? You're probably reading your Twitter feed now. (#sadface) (#istilldontgettwitter)

Now that you've gotten your letters and images cut out, pull away the paper from the backside and arrange them on your background felt.

This is when all your hard work comes to fruition. Once your words and images are in place, use your felt glue to secure them to the background. Don't be scared! In the words of the bumper sticker, on the Honda mini-van I followed down the highway tonight, "YOLO." So many questions....you only live once for a mini-van, a Honda, extra leg room, good mileage, your kids, the color maroon or how 'almost' topical you are?

Isn't she a beaut? I know, cheers! Oh and wine really was for dinner. Hence the empty, robot, wine rack.

Finding Your Place And Stuffing Your Face: Like A Lady

So it's the end of February and here I am writing the first blog post of the year. I am so ashamed. If only you could see me, in tears, mascara running down my cheeks, thinking about the three people who read this blog and how I've disappointed them so.

It seems a bit late in the game to ask if you've made any New Year's resolutions. My guess is that most of them have already been broken. Not to undermine your will power but certainly undermining mine. If you've decided to clean up your act (and your insides) I have some healthy "ish" recipes that are the continuation of the Armenian food fest from way back in November. (#so2014)

To get me in the mood I like to channel someone from FOOD Network and put on a show. If you would choose Bobby Flay, we are NOT kindred spirits. If you would choose Brian Boitano, then I don't know how I have lived this long without you. Who knows more about food than an ice-skater from the eighties? NO ONE, that's who. Well...he's at least more entertaining. They could have upped the ante on What Would Brian Boitano Make? by cooking on ice. Would you watch that? I'm thinking full body leotards and a double axel from the counter to the oven; sequence flying everywhere. It would be sponsored by Dick's Sporting Goods and Kitchen Aid. How do you make sizzling hot fajitas on a temperature controlled, ice skating rink? Well, you'd have to watch the show to find out. There'd be breaks for the Zamboni...

So, here I am, in my kitchen, acting out the Armenian version of WWBBM. (Please don't picture me in a leotard, you should have an appetite by the end of this post.) I decided to pair rice pilaf and Armenian kebabs with our previous recipe, lehmeijun. This is not the rice pilaf that comes with your riblets at the Applebee's.

Rice pilaf:

1 1/2 cups long grain white rice
2 oz of vermicelli (may be substituted with hair from an angel OR angel hair pasta)
2 tbsp. butter
1 tbsp. safflower oil
3 cups chicken broth
1/2 tsp. salt

This is a version of the rice pilaf that my mom has been making for as long as I can remember. She has some short cuts, namely Minute Rice and bouillon cubes, but the taste is very similar. We're going full on traditional (like a woman with a mustache). Go ahead and put the butter and oil in a medium sauce pan over medium heat. The combination of the two keeps the butter from burning as the oil has a higher smoking temperature (at least that's what Brian Boitano told me). Break your vermicelli into one inch pieces and place them in the fat bath you just made. You will have to stir the vermicelli constantly to keep it from burning. If you have kids maybe put them in their crate until this part is over. That or get one of those kid leashes and tie it to a door knob. Your full attention is needed.

The butter and oil will start to foam a bit. This is fine, just keep stirring until the vermicelli is a golden brown.

Once you've achieved this lovely color you'll add your chicken broth. This will stop the vermicelli from burning. Add your rice and bring it all to a boil. Cover your pan and lower the temperature to a simmer. You'll have about 20 minutes to get the kids out of their crate, or their harness, and have them sit, roll over and play dead for a treat.

I added a little bit of saffron cuz I'm a baller, shot caller...

The rice and the vermicelli tend to separate after cooking so it needs a good stir before letting it sit another 10-15 minutes, allowing all the liquid to fully absorb.

SO now sign up for a 5k or jazzercise or a spin class or a skate lesson with Brian Boitano and carb load like it's your job. If you want to go full on traditional (like a lady with a beard) then you can add some plain yogurt to your pilaf. (#trust) It's more like adding a slightly tart sour cream and it's delicious. I was going to make my own yogurt but then I didn't...

I hope we talk soon and there's less time between our meetings but I've learned not to make any promises. Now go cook and stuff your mouth hole!

Dirty Martini: In My Mouth And On The Wall

Holy crap! I'm sitting here trying to compose my thoughts and my stomach is all, "no you didn't!" It's pissed over what I've put it through this week. It was all out gastrointestinal war last night when I was drinking a dirty martini while eating habanero popcorn. I'm hoping my eyeballs don't begin to protest next. They've been subjected to nearly every show on the OWN Network. I didn't even know we got this channel and I've cried during both the Rhianna and Jennifer Hudson interviews. Oprah must have one of those clickers in her pocket that she pushes every time she sees tears. You know, like the one the flight attendant walks up and down the aisle with, to count the number of people on the plane. I imagine Oprah high-fiving herself if she beats her own record. She has everything she could want so now success is only measurable in tears, famous people tears.

Besides doubling my body weight and watching so much Intervention I no longer flinch at the site of a heroin needle, I've been considering the guest bedroom paint color. Obviously this has been a weird break. I have some sentimental pieces in the room that I want to play off of. The inspiration photos have me looking at rich, yellow-based, olive greens.

Little Green Notebook

House & Garden

Image from Tokyo Bleep on tumblr.

apartment therapy

My fear is a color palette reminiscent of JCPenney's in the 90's. I'll walk in and everything is forest green, navy and burgundy. Forest green and sage are what my nightmares are made of. I'm thinking olive green, with salmon, gold and black accents. The samples I've been testing are all Benjamin Moore; Timson Green, Guacamole and Windsor Green. Below you can see the room itself and my samples up on the wall. Yeah, I'm a professional photographer so don't let the picture quality intimidate you.

I'm leaning towards Timson Green at the moment. I didn't include swatches or closeups on the wall because, frankly, they never look like they do in person.

I'll be spending the next few days continuing to overindulge, feel bad about myself, repeat, until next weekend. Then I'll lie to myself about making a change for a clean and healthy lifestyle on Monday. Somewhere in between all that conversation between my earballs, I'll paint this room. I'll have some photos to share and maybe someone who knows what they're doing will take them. Until then, let me know what you think about the olive green OR you have to help me paint over it when I make this horrible mistake that you did not warn me about.

Holiday Wishes and Glittery Protest!

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and then, and THEN, IT'S CHRISTMAS!! This year there's been less dramatics and sprinting to the finish line for the holidays. The Beard and I decided to take a holiday where we celebrate our house, Snelson and each other. We travel each year to others and this year it feels good to know I'm not going to be stuck in Detroit without clean underwear or borrowing my mom's snow boots in Wisconsin. You know, the simple things. It also means that I'll be working tomorrow, on Christmas Eve. Don't you worry, I'll be wearing something gold and sparkly, with a skull and crossbones in silent, fabulous, #glitteryprotest. Come tomorrow night The Beard and I will be eating #crispyduck from our favorite place on Buford Highway and lounging in our pjs. #tistheseason

This year I stepped out of my comfort zone (if only just my big toe). I decided to pursue some new interests and push myself a little harder than usual. In my down time I'm going to work on some more content and post more often. I still have to fill you in on the soap opera called This Here House, my trip to South Korea, my adult thrush, my bedroom, living room, studio and dining room progress and hopefully some new projects.

So I'll see you next year and don't do what I do and make your New Year's resolution unattainable. This year's motto, "reach to the top shelf where you have to stand on your tippy toes and then give up and ask a taller stranger to grab something for you." #forgetthestars #keepingitreal

Gold and Bright and Everything Right: Bright Edition

Well shoot! I couldn't help but put together another gift guide. This one is all needy and flashy and starved for attention. I think I just described every middle child, including myself.

My fondness for blinding color and pattern was started in the era of the Hypercolor t-shirt. Mine was purple and turned to pink with body heat. (How did they do that?) Looking back there is something very wrong with a t-shirt that encourages others to touch you for long periods of time. The gifts below, however, can be enjoyed alone or with others, no touching.

Fluorescent Note Cards by Le Typographe on OrangeArt Store

Geometric bib necklace by AnAstridEndeavor on Etsy

Applicata Lily Blossom Candlestick from J.CREW

"Seeing Double" Cocktail Napkin Set by Waiting on Martha

Corded Handwoven Khadi Silk Peach Cushion Cover from aniika

Vintage Pink and Gold Horse Head Planter from Chairish

"Shut In" print by Jennifer Davis on Etsy

Mien Beads Pompom Necklace by CHEZMOIMYHOME on Etsy

Pink Chanderi Cushion Cover from aniika

Orange Leopard Small Dish on Furbish

Striped Moroccan Pillow from BABA Souk

doves kissing bookmarks from Starling store

Orange Herringbone Pom Pom Throw from Waiting on Martha

Watering Can from Poketo

Winking Girl Clutch Silk - Shocking Pink from enSoie

Pom Pom Spotted Lumbar Pillow by Furbish

That's Bananas, Print from BABA Souk

Serax Canvas Planter Pink Set of 3 on FAB.

Pink and Blue Jumbo Clutch from aniika

I might part with a finger or two for the orange leopard dish, the "Shut In" print or that clutch. Not the important fingers, maybe just my pinkies. Which gifts would you chop off body parts for?

I leave tomorrow for a trip to South Korea. I promise not to take any long walks up North and to take a lot of photos. I'll be back with a post when I return. Happy shopping, er, chopping!