Felt Up: When Booze And Felt Collide

This was supposed to be a simple felting DIY. I started snapping pictures of the completed works and realized another common thread...booze. If you are reading this and are not 21 your computer will self implode in 20 minutes and 15 seconds. Wait, NO, I was kidding! I need you to read this because blogs are all "Generation Y." (#millennials) (#hashtag) (#ineedyou)

Regardless of theme, you can do this too. I'm just saying, it's better if you are drinking a glass of wine OR portraying one. (#idrequired) Wouldn't these be great pieces above your desk at work? They're just there, reminding you of what's to come; a little friend at three-thirty. While we're on the subject, can we just talk about three-thirty? It's not quite close enough to five but just enough out from lunch time. The middle of the afternoon is such a cruel, cruel lady. Three-thirty is the Lizzie Borden of the afternoon. Maybe that's a little dramatic but at least the millennials won't get the reference. (#ughgoogle)

These started as gifts for friends. I can't help it that their/OUR interests are singular. It really does make for easy gift-giving though. 

Here is what you'll need:

• felt sheets, variety of colors
• felt glue
• glue stick
• sharpie
• scissors
• frame
• print out with phrase/image to size
• a drink, to clear the felt from your throat (but not your heart)

I began with my frame, picking a size and shape conducive to my imagery/typography/budget/how much I like my friends. I tend to go standard and cheap with the RIBBA frame from Ikea. That's between us and my pocketbook. I started by taking out the glass insert to make measuring my background felt easy breezy. I went with white to keep things clean and simple. I did a quick trace around the glass with a sharpie and cut just inside that line to make for an exact fit. Measuring, calculating, leveling, is for the dogs. (#trust)

 

I kept my image pretty basic with easy to layer shapes. The font should also be one that is fairly easy to cut out. You don't want to be two letters in and take the scissors to your eyeballs because you chose Freestyle Script. If you do, take a deep breath and realize that there will be NO letters after self mutilation. I simply printed both out, then cut...letters, not eyeballs.

This next step gets a little cray. Pick out your colors and match up your paper pieces to those. Really this should be whatever you feel is aesthetically pleasing. This also might mean a color palette that you are already working with in your interior space. If you're hanging this in the woods, like an animal, than your exterior space. Also, a mounted deer head saying "It's what's for dinner," might be more appropriate imagery. I'm thinking you probably don't drink wine or read blogs for that matter. Sorry for wasting everyone's time.

I used a glue stick, with a light hand, to barely adhere the letters to the felt. This will give you enough adhesion to cut out the letters, like a type "A" perfectionist, while also being able to remove the paper once you're done.

Here we are, again, cutting out our letters. This project never ends. That's why you have cable! If you don't have cable, that's why you have the interwebs?

So that step goes on and on and on, like Lamb Chop's "The Song That Never Ends." Millennials, did I lose you? You're probably reading your Twitter feed now. (#sadface) (#istilldontgettwitter)

Now that you've gotten your letters and images cut out, pull away the paper from the backside and arrange them on your background felt.

This is when all your hard work comes to fruition. Once your words and images are in place, use your felt glue to secure them to the background. Don't be scared! In the words of the bumper sticker, on the Honda mini-van I followed down the highway tonight, "YOLO." So many questions....you only live once for a mini-van, a Honda, extra leg room, good mileage, your kids, the color maroon or how 'almost' topical you are?

Isn't she a beaut? I know, cheers! Oh and wine really was for dinner. Hence the empty, robot, wine rack.

Finding Your Place And Stuffing Your Face: Like A Lady

So it's the end of February and here I am writing the first blog post of the year. I am so ashamed. If only you could see me, in tears, mascara running down my cheeks, thinking about the three people who read this blog and how I've disappointed them so.

It seems a bit late in the game to ask if you've made any New Year's resolutions. My guess is that most of them have already been broken. Not to undermine your will power but certainly undermining mine. If you've decided to clean up your act (and your insides) I have some healthy "ish" recipes that are the continuation of the Armenian food fest from way back in November. (#so2014)

To get me in the mood I like to channel someone from FOOD Network and put on a show. If you would choose Bobby Flay, we are NOT kindred spirits. If you would choose Brian Boitano, then I don't know how I have lived this long without you. Who knows more about food than an ice-skater from the eighties? NO ONE, that's who. Well...he's at least more entertaining. They could have upped the ante on What Would Brian Boitano Make? by cooking on ice. Would you watch that? I'm thinking full body leotards and a double axel from the counter to the oven; sequence flying everywhere. It would be sponsored by Dick's Sporting Goods and Kitchen Aid. How do you make sizzling hot fajitas on a temperature controlled, ice skating rink? Well, you'd have to watch the show to find out. There'd be breaks for the Zamboni...

So, here I am, in my kitchen, acting out the Armenian version of WWBBM. (Please don't picture me in a leotard, you should have an appetite by the end of this post.) I decided to pair rice pilaf and Armenian kebabs with our previous recipe, lehmeijun. This is not the rice pilaf that comes with your riblets at the Applebee's.

Rice pilaf:

1 1/2 cups long grain white rice
2 oz of vermicelli (may be substituted with hair from an angel OR angel hair pasta)
2 tbsp. butter
1 tbsp. safflower oil
3 cups chicken broth
1/2 tsp. salt

This is a version of the rice pilaf that my mom has been making for as long as I can remember. She has some short cuts, namely Minute Rice and bouillon cubes, but the taste is very similar. We're going full on traditional (like a woman with a mustache). Go ahead and put the butter and oil in a medium sauce pan over medium heat. The combination of the two keeps the butter from burning as the oil has a higher smoking temperature (at least that's what Brian Boitano told me). Break your vermicelli into one inch pieces and place them in the fat bath you just made. You will have to stir the vermicelli constantly to keep it from burning. If you have kids maybe put them in their crate until this part is over. That or get one of those kid leashes and tie it to a door knob. Your full attention is needed.

The butter and oil will start to foam a bit. This is fine, just keep stirring until the vermicelli is a golden brown.

Once you've achieved this lovely color you'll add your chicken broth. This will stop the vermicelli from burning. Add your rice and bring it all to a boil. Cover your pan and lower the temperature to a simmer. You'll have about 20 minutes to get the kids out of their crate, or their harness, and have them sit, roll over and play dead for a treat.

I added a little bit of saffron cuz I'm a baller, shot caller...

The rice and the vermicelli tend to separate after cooking so it needs a good stir before letting it sit another 10-15 minutes, allowing all the liquid to fully absorb.

SO now sign up for a 5k or jazzercise or a spin class or a skate lesson with Brian Boitano and carb load like it's your job. If you want to go full on traditional (like a lady with a beard) then you can add some plain yogurt to your pilaf. (#trust) It's more like adding a slightly tart sour cream and it's delicious. I was going to make my own yogurt but then I didn't...

I hope we talk soon and there's less time between our meetings but I've learned not to make any promises. Now go cook and stuff your mouth hole!