Finding Your Place And Stuffing Your Face: Like A Lady

So it's the end of February and here I am writing the first blog post of the year. I am so ashamed. If only you could see me, in tears, mascara running down my cheeks, thinking about the three people who read this blog and how I've disappointed them so.

It seems a bit late in the game to ask if you've made any New Year's resolutions. My guess is that most of them have already been broken. Not to undermine your will power but certainly undermining mine. If you've decided to clean up your act (and your insides) I have some healthy "ish" recipes that are the continuation of the Armenian food fest from way back in November. (#so2014)

To get me in the mood I like to channel someone from FOOD Network and put on a show. If you would choose Bobby Flay, we are NOT kindred spirits. If you would choose Brian Boitano, then I don't know how I have lived this long without you. Who knows more about food than an ice-skater from the eighties? NO ONE, that's who. Well...he's at least more entertaining. They could have upped the ante on What Would Brian Boitano Make? by cooking on ice. Would you watch that? I'm thinking full body leotards and a double axel from the counter to the oven; sequence flying everywhere. It would be sponsored by Dick's Sporting Goods and Kitchen Aid. How do you make sizzling hot fajitas on a temperature controlled, ice skating rink? Well, you'd have to watch the show to find out. There'd be breaks for the Zamboni...

So, here I am, in my kitchen, acting out the Armenian version of WWBBM. (Please don't picture me in a leotard, you should have an appetite by the end of this post.) I decided to pair rice pilaf and Armenian kebabs with our previous recipe, lehmeijun. This is not the rice pilaf that comes with your riblets at the Applebee's.

Rice pilaf:

1 1/2 cups long grain white rice
2 oz of vermicelli (may be substituted with hair from an angel OR angel hair pasta)
2 tbsp. butter
1 tbsp. safflower oil
3 cups chicken broth
1/2 tsp. salt

This is a version of the rice pilaf that my mom has been making for as long as I can remember. She has some short cuts, namely Minute Rice and bouillon cubes, but the taste is very similar. We're going full on traditional (like a woman with a mustache). Go ahead and put the butter and oil in a medium sauce pan over medium heat. The combination of the two keeps the butter from burning as the oil has a higher smoking temperature (at least that's what Brian Boitano told me). Break your vermicelli into one inch pieces and place them in the fat bath you just made. You will have to stir the vermicelli constantly to keep it from burning. If you have kids maybe put them in their crate until this part is over. That or get one of those kid leashes and tie it to a door knob. Your full attention is needed.

The butter and oil will start to foam a bit. This is fine, just keep stirring until the vermicelli is a golden brown.

Once you've achieved this lovely color you'll add your chicken broth. This will stop the vermicelli from burning. Add your rice and bring it all to a boil. Cover your pan and lower the temperature to a simmer. You'll have about 20 minutes to get the kids out of their crate, or their harness, and have them sit, roll over and play dead for a treat.

I added a little bit of saffron cuz I'm a baller, shot caller...

The rice and the vermicelli tend to separate after cooking so it needs a good stir before letting it sit another 10-15 minutes, allowing all the liquid to fully absorb.

SO now sign up for a 5k or jazzercise or a spin class or a skate lesson with Brian Boitano and carb load like it's your job. If you want to go full on traditional (like a lady with a beard) then you can add some plain yogurt to your pilaf. (#trust) It's more like adding a slightly tart sour cream and it's delicious. I was going to make my own yogurt but then I didn't...

I hope we talk soon and there's less time between our meetings but I've learned not to make any promises. Now go cook and stuff your mouth hole!